Thursday, July 12, 2007

back to black

it's just been that kind of day.

or pieces of several days broken up by ok moments.

i'm in a kind of numbed out daze and i'm not exactly wild with coping mechanisms at the moment.

i have work to do that i'm not doing. i have something to turn in tomorrow that i have GOT to review before mid-morning. it's now 11:07 P.M. and if my summer house-mate hadn't let out my dog, I'd also be a terrible dog owner.

i am almost three-weeks overdue on an email i promised to send.

i have laundry to put away (this is not tragic. it's just that i could be creating some sanity in my physical environment if i hadn't been doing all kinds of ridiculous distracting stuff for the last few hours).

my head just won't stop with the mean self-judgmental crap.

well, it does sometimes stop.

well, it just hasn't stopped for several hours.

ok. this is funny. writing this post has somehow broken some kind of spell. i hope the break lasts long enough for me to pack up my computer and go home. if i can at least get to sleep at a reasonable hour then tomorrow doesn't have to totally suck.

i'm lonely, i think. well, last time i checked, that wasn't a crime. it doesn't make me weird that i'd like someone to love and to love me back. not too weird to want a family of my own.

mostly, i do ok with this wanting. mostly i cope with this particular kind of lonely. i'm grateful for lots of good things.

well, tomorrow is another darn day.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sorry I'm a couple weeks late reading your post.
Let's see:
Coping mechanisms only seem to work when you're able to cope.
Amazing how someone elses description of their angst never seems as bad as one's own.
Did you know that it takes about 7 positives to equal one negative? So its okay to mention those "bad" things as long as you mention seven times as many "goodies".
Your post of today actually has more good or okay things than bad, you know. A very big step in the right direction.
And jumping ahead to your second post of the day - ITS ALL GOOD STUFF!
Way to go,