me of little faith

Seek and ye shall find support -- at least if you have totally kick a*! friends like mine! As you may have noticed (say, in my last post) I'm struggling with the whole idea of accepting grace, of staying in the present moment.

I'm not always so great at reaching out for help outside of my family. But darn, this is so great, I might do it more often!

I wrote to Pastor Pam, and she sent me this piece of scripture. Anyone who knows me will get that it's funny that I'm being asked not to worry about what I wear.

Matthew 6:25-34 (NRSV)
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you--you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?' For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

thank-you, thank-you

I received some WONDERFUL support this morning from my friend Jerry, along with this fabulous quote:

Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after!

Thanks, I needed that! (What commercial, tv program is that phrase from?)

Please check out Jerry's funny, smart, and engaging blog @ http://www.idiomsavant.typepad.com/

when the gods want to punish you...

they answer your prayers. I think that's Meryl Streep's line to Robert Redford in Out of Africa. I don't believe those words -- I don't, truly. But here I am...and so much is coming together...and I'm eating frozen pizza and goldfish crackers.

By which, I mean, I'm still afraid. But I almost have a second audio documentary I'm truly proud of, a radio station in Santa Cruz picked up my last piece, which is cool, and I haven't forgotten about Bipolar Girl...

And then there is something hovering out there, something powerful, that I'm not even ready to write about yet.

But I do need to write, that much is clear. I feel so much better now. WRITING GROUNDS ME.

So for now...one-mindfully, I will finish this sentence. I will brush my teeth, wash my face, listen to my audio books, until I fall asleep. And I will tackle tomorrows challenges -- and attempt to accept God's grace -- TOMORROW.

Just for the record, I'm MUCH better at tackling challenges than accepting grace. But I'm working on it.

fear itself?

When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
-- Audre Lorde, 1934-1992

This quote from Audre Lorde is my email signature. It is also the first words at the top of my blog.

Tonight, I am breathless with fear. I am on the edge of completing a documentary audio piece that I've been working on (with a rather large gap in the middle) for over a year. I'm working with literally one of the best (if not the best) editors in public radio. In addition to this smaller project about one of my close friends Pam -- who moved up to NC after Hurricane Katrina -- D. has agreed to be an editor on "Bipolar Girl Rules the World." So it would be really good for me to talk with her about that project too.

I am a genius at helping others step over that bump of fear. And so tonight I managed to help myself step over mine. I called a friend and shared my fears. I got told that I'm a goof ball and to get over myself. I then took small steps to make sure that all of my tape was transferred to my new computer and that all the files were present. It's now 9:20 and I've printed up my 14 pages of transcripts that I did last summer. I may go home and listen to some stuff or I may just go to bed.

Stay tuned. Will Dawn continue taking small steps and move forward on the creative work she now has an opportunity to complete? Or will she derail herself in some spectacular way? Will she literally die of fright? Or will she decide that, as Audre Lorde says, that believing in one's vision actually results in being less afraid?